In the past few days,
uncomfortable silence has slowly crept in into my world and with it; I am
withering, smaller within myself like the Touch-Me-Not flower that had just
been touch. Many things that were once mine seems to distance away and I ended
up being a mere spectator to the show, but I seem to not liking it,
unfortunately. Some of my private galaxies were been blown to bits. I have tried
visiting them in my head but then, the small debris from the impact keeps
hitting me, it wasn’t comfortable. 10x times, increased my lighting up
cigarette. It seems to produce a nice red flame and beautiful smoke rings but
from the inside it’s eating me up hollow. 10x times, the rate of my sleep
decreased. It seems to give me more time but I found myself with no time. As
Charlie Chaplin would say, my lips didn’t know what’s happening with me. It
just keeps smiling. But the clouds were slowly forming; now it’s thick and
dark. Like an overblown balloon, you never know when it’s going to burst. It’s
just clinging on to its final elasticity. It will burst soon…
BAMMM!!!
Title: The Forlorn Man
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas
Size: 30x24 Inches
Price: Please contact the artist directly.
Signed and dated at the bottom right hand corner.
Music!!! Because that’s
all I was left with and Silence!!! Because everything turned painfully silent.
Painting!!! Because it’s the only one thing that had not betrayed me and Me!!!
Because I seem to barely know myself. Voids were left behind and boundaries being
drawn. It was not a word said but it said it all with a piercing thrust. So I tried
to withdraw but unfortunately, so did a big chunk of life from the inside. I
wasn’t ready for it but it happened and things were never the same anymore. Uncomfortable
silence spread; soon it took over most of the things that were once the first
thing of the day and finally weaned me like a baby. Options were clear; but options
I didn’t want to choose. I needed a hideaway.
As the world came crashing
in from, it seems, every direction, questions started to bang my door. I didn’t
open. As the confusion over shadowed, I was left to talking to myself. It was
no comfort but it seems to be the only comfort. Silence was what was killing me
from the inside but silence was all that was found. Memories became more vivid,
but this time they wanted to haunt. Somewhere unknown, a Black-Hole was created
and it was doing what it should. There seems to be no escape from it, except that
you run as far away as possible. But this was a black hole unlike any and it catches
up soon. I was tired out running. It’s like one of those days when I am
painting and couldn’t decide upon what color to use; those times when disaster
always happens in my works. You never know what to expect. You are only hoping
for the best when its finish. This is a lonely place and I am an artist inside
it. I have problems telling my story and that’s why I paint. I just keep
telling myself, “I will get over it”.
Last Word: All these
are over now it seems and in a few days, I will be meeting my family. I am so
excited about it. I have been missing my mom so very much lately. I can’t seem
to even remember her face now…
The darkest places in the Universe always seem to be within ourselves. No light can touch within; no light can escape. No sound can penetrate it's barriers. No picture nor words can describe this intrusion that has came into our lives. Its as though we no longer exist, like a fallen star hurling towards earth, that no one notices.
ReplyDeleteVery well said Mam. Our inside is the darkest place that ever exist and also the best place....Sometimes they show up and we get lost for good or bad. I choose the first ones most of the time :)and thank you for your Visit Leslie. Much appreciated :)
Deletethis is cool mate, I think you painted the very nature of man very well, lots of people have dark sides, well done.
ReplyDeleteThank you bro, much appreciated. Kind of a story of my own :)
DeleteDark but beautiful thoughts and a great painting. I love the contrast between all the color and the dark lines used on the man! Thank you for sharing with the rest of us!
ReplyDeleteAwww.....Thank you Abby, i really appreciated your visit and it means a lot. It was kinda my story actually. Thank you again :)
DeleteI believe all Artists encounter this. I have done so too. We have a light side and a dark side. Now, as a Minister, my light side has expanded. However, the dark side is that I have FTD. But (and heres the thing!), that increases my artistic side even more. To me, this is part of my light side.:-)
DeleteMinister Chris
Thank you very much sir. Yes, we always have he dual side. Some tends to not see it it but for me, i cannot afford to do that. And wow!!! Invite me someday in your teaching. I would wanna sit down and listen. And thank you very much for the visit, very much appreciated. :)
DeleteDark and lovely, a beautiful painting. Great piece. :) Sweet Sue/musicfoot loves it !
ReplyDeleteAwww....Thank you Sue...I remember you and it really means a lot to me. Thank you for you time and glad my painting found you in some way. xoxoxo :)
DeleteA different perspective:
ReplyDeleteWhy is silence seen as something unfortunate? In the company of absolute silence, it is where I find myself at my best; in deep reflection. Hence, I welcome it and embrace it. It's when it leaves that I'm a little shaken.
Uncomfortable silences, well, I suppose they are just that: comfortless. But, when that happens, it's not the silence that is making is being harsh, that is painful, it's the person or thing whom you are sharing that "uncomfortable silence with." - If one cannot be silent with someone or something, than one is not comfortable with that person or thing. Hope that makes sense.
It seems you have experienced some grievances. Continue to find yourself in your pain and solitude. If possible, marinate in it. It's ok to feel pain. It's ok to be alone. And I promise you, there is nothing more rewarding than self-discovery.
As always, I enjoyed reading your story. The words were so potent I was able to envision it all. Enjoy your time with your family and especially your mother.
Beautiful painting and vivid colors. I'm not sure if you see this, but you created something beautiful in times of pain. Do you know how big that is? It's huge!! Let your pain be your inspiration!
Thank you very much Soulconalas for this wonderful words and a new perspective. I see it now and yes you are right. Sometimes we need to be alone to see the real picture before us. And yes, i had been to a situation i have had not been b4 and maybe that's why i couldn't really handle it well but, but grievances, i am hoping i have none.
DeleteI really appreciate you visit and always your support. Means a lot to me and you should know that. Yes, i did saw what it did to my painting. I guess that what artist do, write down his/her story in colors. Love and respect :)